Opposites don’t always attract! Part 2
The first crack began when we went for a ride in the countryside. We drove around through mumbles and then to the Gower peninsular.
It was a beautiful day. Being a happy and sexually active couple, we began to play around in the Car, I wanted him there and then, he wanted me too.
We drove around looking for a quiet spot so we could get intimate.
He drove and drove and drove, hours had passed and he was getting angry! I mean he was losing his cool! He began shouting and screaming at me, blaming me for everything and getting angry that I turned him on.
I was gobsmacked, I didn’t know what to say. I kept saying sorry yet he was angry and shouting and driving like a mad man. I remained silent, I didn’t or more couldn’t say a word. The shock in his attitude and personality was incredible. He went from being Mr nice guy to an absolute arsehole.
We drove around, stopped and started. He was, at this point driving like an armature rally driver, taking corners like Tokyo drift, I remained silent while he kept asking what was wrong with me, and why was I being quiet.
We eventually found somewhere, however at this stage; the thought of any sexual act was off-putting. We both got out, did the deed, then returned to the car and drove home. This was strike one yet, I ignored it.
I started working in Cardiff, he asked me to stay with him a few days a week so I didn’t have to travel back and forth from my home to work, as at this time it was a 1-hour commute for me to get to work and living with him would cut this down to half the time.
When I look back, this was too soon! We had only known each other for less than a month and I was living with him.
We were always together; we would go out nearly every night to his local and he would constantly have a drink in the house. I love a drink, however at the time I rarely drank in the house, however, he was constantly drinking, and I mean big measures of spirits. He also smoked weed regularly whilst drinking and when on a night out he often enjoyed other forms of class A highs. I yet again ignored all these.
We constantly argued, usually at the beginning of a night out as we walked to the pub or afterwards, after having a skinful, yet we would go home, go to bed and wake up as nothing had happened.
I must add at this stage, he wasn’t always a complete cock, he at times was quite carrying, but like I said, at times.
We lasted, so far, for three months and he wanted me to meet his parents. I was quite apprehensive about this, however every time I mentioned it was too soon, he got angry and upset. I eventually came around and said yes to meeting his family and the following weekend we drove to the Cotswolds.
His brother and sister in law were lovely and welcoming and made me feel at ease. I was also driving so I couldn’t even have a drink to ease myself into this strange new world I found myself in.
We all sat in the garden and I remember his sister in law saying, So…have you met the mother yet?
Alarm bells were now ringing in my head! The Mother aka the Dragon Lady!
As soon as we mentioned her name she had arrived!
The air went cold, the sky darkened as Mother entered the garden…. Dogs began howling and birds dispersed to the air, she had made her entrance whilst her husband crawled behind her like some lap dog.
She reminded me of Meryl Streep in the Devil Wears Prada, for info I have used this reference twice in my life, firstly My Ex’s mother and secondly my previous employer, aka the bitch from hell, but that’s another story for another blog.
She had arrived, my ex, her only child and adult baby ran towards her to welcome she who must be obeyed to the party before finally introducing me to her. They say you can make your mind up on a person within 20 seconds of meeting them. I hated her within 5 seconds.
She looked me up and down, and through gritted teeth, said hello followed by some fake pleasantries.
We all sat down, had food etc and that when the interrogation began. The spotlight was now on me, the lamplight burned through my soul and Gestapo leader, aka Mother started her questioning.
Question after question with a hint of insult and put down in between. She was very clearer, I shall say that for her. She had a way of making me feel like I was 2ft tall, everything I did or said was not right or not good enough. My ex sat there and allowed this to happen, but worth of all he didn’t think she did or said anything wrong to me.
Finally, the evening came to an end and we could leave and return home. I remember asking him during the journey home, did he think his mother likes me or not.
He was all, Oh no she loved you, she thought you were wonderful etc, however, this wasn’t the vibe I was getting.
For weeks after, his mother words kept replaying in my head. The way she made me feel, made me feel awful about myself.
My ex was very much like his mother, rather controlling but also mentally abusive. He had a way of making you feel awful about yourself. Like his mother, he would speak to you, or be more specific, speak to me like some sort of child.
Always telling me what to do, how to act, or what to wear. Yes, he would tell me what to wear! I for one would consider that I have a great fashion sense, but to him what I would choose to wear may come across as being, how did he put it? Oh yeah too GAY! Yes, dear, we are both gays!
Our clothes don’t define us! If I want to wear a flamboyant, yet modern and classy shirt then I will!
His biggest bugbear was when I would wear a vest! Yes, a vest! He would lose his shit if I wore a vest! For some reason, he didn’t like them and so I was not allowed to wear one, however…
He invited his parents down to stay with us for the weekend, my anxiety levels at this point we’re peaking however like always I went with the flow and welcomed the fact his parents would be staying with us and I had nowhere to run and hide!
I planned the same day to see a guy about a tattoo, so the morning they were on their way to the house I had popped into Cardiff for a tattoo consultation.
It was probably one of the hottest days that summer weekend and it was sweltering. As I was in town I thought, I really could do with a new top, something that was light and airy, otherwise, I was about to pass out with the heat.
I bought, a vest! Yes, a black loose fit vest from Topman! It looked, class! And to be honest I Look, class.
As I was in town I bumped into a few friends who were attending a festival in the castle centre, and so, in true Aled fashion, I lost track of time.
I had vast amounts of missed calls and texts from he who must be obeyed!
I rang, explained that I was running late and that I had bumped into some friends! The moment I said who I had met he went crazy! My ex hated my friends, well… mainly my gay friends!
All my girlfriend were ok, he got on with them. But when it came to my gay friends, then this was a problem! He disliked them all!
He couldn’t say why he hated the, but he just did, which to be honest made my life difficult as at the time I loved him but I also loved my friend who has always been there for me.
I left town and got back to his house. There she was! In her white linen outfit, Gucci sunglasses and recently set hairstyle.
I remember as I walked in, I could see my Ex’s face drop! His other lowered her glasses as they both looked me up and down!
As this stage I should add, I forgot to mention to him that I bought a vest and decided to wear it to the party! Honestly, if looks could kiss I would have been obliterated from the piercing looks.
It’s fair to say that I didn’t help my situation, and personally this was probably the worst weekend of my life!
Not only did I make things harder for me by being late and wearing a vest, but Mother dearest was on form that weekend and ripped into me constantly! Putting me down, insulting the way I looked, how I spoke, what my career goals were , etc., everything I said and done in her eyes were wrong! If I said the sky was blue then she would have said it wasn’t, I gave up.
Finally, the weekend was coming to an end and so the parents from hell were leaving.
You will notice I don’t really talk about my Ex’s father, purely because he didn’t exist! His role was mainly as the acting footman to the Mother.
I think there was some sort of underlining resentment between the mother and father, as she was his second wife and he did have another son. I’m not positive, but I think she was the affair, the mistress who ended up the wife.
They personified being pompous, thinking they were better than everyone else.
Oh, they lived in Dubai, their little boy went to private school blah blah blah and then again your little boy eventually turned out to be a little gay, who moved to wales and spend all his time being a little drug peddling whore however Mother was unaware of that.
The relationship between my Ex and his mother was rather peculiar in some ways. They would speak on the phone every day, sometimes 5 times a day! However as close as they were my ex still lead a double life as well as still felt the need to keep secrets from her such as him having tattoos.
He was in his 30s and was still lying to mother about tattoos?
What’s that all about?
Plus, I’m close to my mother but I don’t speak to her every day of the week, especially not 5 times a day!
Cracks turned into fractures between me and the Ex, we began distancing ourselves from each other and instantly turned into a very stale marriage, bear in mind we were only dating for around 3 months.
The fatal blow came when I went out on a work social and he kept messaging me, literally one message after another. Why was I out, who was I out with, what time will I be back, message after message.
I’m a rather independent yet disobedient chap. I like to be in charge of my life and I do not like to be controlled. I’m also dreadful with authoritarians and rule. So, getting constant messages, phone calls etc from my Ex made my blood boil, plus it didn’t help that I was rather inebriated so anger levels were at their all-time high.
It was around 1:30 am and he messages, I'm outside the pub, where the hell are you? I ignored it and carried on enjoying myself with my new work colleagues.
More messages came flying in, I thought I better go and see what he wanted. As I walked towards his car I could see the steam coming out of his ears, he was livid.
Get in the car, we are going home now! I was hesitant but I got in the car. I don’t recall much after this however I do recall arguing with him. We arrived home and I suggested that I would sleep on the sofa. He wouldn’t have any of it, he demanded that I would sleep with him. I ignored him and slept on the sofa.
The next day, as I lay there dying, I woke up to my ex watching me sleep. Morning, he said, Have you got something to tell me? I ignored him and went to get a coffee.
What he wanted was for me to apologise, but I didn’t think or feel I should. I’m also stubborn.
We went to the pub for some breakfast, which I thought would just be the 2 of us, however, he had invited his friends, mainly so he could belittle me in front of them and make out that I was the evil one and that I should apologise to him.
I ate my food, kept quiet and completely ignored him and his hambone friends. Thankfully I left my car in town so I left them at the pub whilst I caught the train into the city centre.
That’s when the second wave of abuse came.
Message after message came, I was the worst human ever, how dare I not say sorry but worst of all I didn’t thank him for buying me the breakfast. I must admit, I didn’t realise that he bought the breakfast and if I did I would have said to him to shove it, however, I am partial to a good bacon roll.
Yet again I Ignored the messaged, got off the train and walked to the car park.
In the meantime, there was a food festival on in the bay so I decided, in my little way of apologising, to buy him some gifts. He, like me, has food intolerances so I made the effort of getting him some homemade free-from foods and drinks, as we as some GF Welsh cakes.
I got home, aka his house, and passed him the gifts and through gritted teach, said sorry.
We kissed and made up, however, there was one issue! We had his friends 30th Birthday party to attend that evening, and I for one could not stomach yet another night of drinking, but for him, I got dressed and was ready for yet another night out.
We arrived at his friend's house. She was a major hoarder so the house was a tip. Thankfully the party outside in the garden so at least there was some form of fresh air amongst her piles of random crap.
Things between the ex and I were not over, he couldn’t wait to belittle me in front of everyone. There were very little to no seating available outside and that when I heard him shout at me.
He was ordering me to come over to him and for me to sit on his knee! Come here and it on my knee! I looked at him and shouted back, Do I look like a fucking lapdog?
I walked off at that stage before ripping him another hole. I went straight the kitchen to grab a top-up, a triple if I recall.
My Exs best friend ran behind me, she looked a tad flustered and that when she told me. She said that my Ex had told her if I don’t listen to him that things between us were over!
Something struck a chord with me, I thought who the hell am I dating? Why am I letting this guy control my life?
I thanked her for telling me this but told her that I would do him a favour and that I would leave. I grabbed my things, walked out and never returned.
My ex phoned me a few times and I spoke to him, I told him that things between us haven’t been good for a while, I also explained that his friend told me what he had said to her.
I think we should end this, I said.
His response was Ok, fuck off then, end of convo and end of relationship.
For what was a three-month relationship felt like a life time.
Worst part of all this was I still loved him and at time still yearned for him but I shall keep that story for next time.